| The WHS Wit Collection .... |
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21 May 2020 |
Gerry Warren - Brners 65 to 72: "I was probably the worst sailor ever. I entered six races, came last in 2, retired in 3 and came second from last in the sixth, so I decided to quit while I was ahead. One race I finished nearly 2 hours behind the boat in front of me because I couldn't get over the start line, but I was determined to finish for once." |
1976
"Janus"
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.... as opposed of course to the somewhat UNbalanced personalities of many other WHS denizens. |
1972
"Janus |
| Saying of the Year as reported in the 1972 "Janus": a
6th form Arts student to an unknown master: "Let's face it, Sir
- you're nothing but a reject from industry." |
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Will the speaker ever out himself? |
1970
Debating Society |
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Will we ever know whether there were any particular perversions favoured by the speaker? |
1970
Cricket
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Sadly, no pictures are available of either the action or the resulting homicides. |
1969
Woolverstone
Festival
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Richard Hayter - Corners 65 to 71: I remember GHB’s famous morning assembly sometime in 1966, with Jean-Alain Roussel as ever, playing the piano for the morning hymn. That morning GHB chose to lecture the assembled throng:
"Err, there are some things we do well and there are some things we do not do so well. One of these things is litter."
He moaned on for some time, while boys looked at their feet and masters, seated in the back rows created from opening the rear classrooms, shuffled in the awkward position of listening whilst trying hard not to laugh. GHB continued on a theme of our collective indolence.
"I am sick and tired of seeing boys walking around like a capital C with their feet up making coffee."
The shuffling on the back row became noisier and the boys plunged their chins into their chests so no one could see them sniggering silently .......
The lecture over, it was now past nine o’clock. Gown flapping, and mortarboard balanced perfectly on his head, GHB gathered his book and papers, turned left and marched purposefully to the door. The boys and staff stood to attention. It just remained for Jean to play GHB out of the Assembly Room ...... to Laurel and Hardy’s 'Dance of the Cuckoos'!
Turning at the door GHB looked sternly across the stage: "Roussel! My office now."
As the door closed behind him, Roussel played a final high note: Plink!
To this day I have nothing but admiration for the self-control in that room. Nobody laughed - probably because their hands covered their mouths.
| Harvey Angel - Hansons 64-71: "1969? That's my favourite School Photo because it's the one I was wearing my sunglasses. I got summoned by Bailey when it was first displayed. He asked me why I was wearing sunglasses, to which I replied, 'Because it was sunny, Sir.' Must have been the right answer because that was the end of his enquiry!" |
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9 Dec. 1967 |
"No coughing please, and keep your eyes off the clock." |
programme of "Final Recital by 3rd Year VIth" |
1965
"Dry Rot" |
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Lots of super photos here |
1964 |
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The construction of the
swimming-pool begins. |
1963 |
| Iain Turner writes: I believe it was once said when the portly Arthur Podd was pointed out to a new boy: "Crikey! If that's Arfer Podd I'd hate to meet a whole one!" |
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Anthony Isaccs (Orwell '63 to '68) might have been the superwit involved ..... |
1963 |
| "Leslie Johnston was the guiding hand in these productions, with something like a quarter of the school taking part. He undertook to act not only as producer but also as coordinator of the support of the many members of staff, parents and boys who were willing to help. Leslie's delight in these enterprises was obvious, although he once warned me that if I thought of suggesting Verdi's Aida for the next school production, I could count him out. He made it quite clear that he had no intention of directing elephants in any Woolverstone opera!" |
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Merlin Channon on Leslie Johnston's contribution to Music and Drama in WHS' formative years. |
UNKNOWN
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"Too many boys are walking around without their uniform on." |
Matron to first former: "You silly boy. You're putting your shoes on the wrong feet."
First Form clever dick (possibly Parperis): "But Matron, whose feet SHOULD I put them on then?"
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| "The following boys are being made prefects and there are many more knocking on the doorstep." |
| "If you don't start making your bed properly you and I are going to fall out. " |
believed to have been a Halls Matron talking to a boy |
| "Every time I open my mouth some idiot speaks." |
Was this a "BUMEISM"? Is it apocyphal? |
